that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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