just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
