I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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