Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
