Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
