..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
