we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
