I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
