Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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