i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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