So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
