Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I died a long time ago.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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