Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
