Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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