i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
