will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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