You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it because I queefed?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
