Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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