Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
