So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
