You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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