i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
