You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
