I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
