I just made out with a guy for $7.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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