her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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