By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
