last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
