Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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