and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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