....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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