I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think your dad took our porno
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
