I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i will never coherently bang her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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