She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
