It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
