Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
