you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
