It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
