Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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