Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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