Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so let's talk penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
