i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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