I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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