I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
