God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
