I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
