Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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