why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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