Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
