WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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