i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
