I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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